The Lies They Told Him
by mistykasumi
Summary: Hal only ever loved one person. Henry IV, Part I. HalxHotspur.


Title:  The Lies They Told Him

Author name and e-mail: mistykasumi at SeducerofFantasy@hotmail.com

Pairing:  Hal/Hotspur

Summary:  Hal only ever loved one person.

Rating:  R

Category:  Angst

Disclaimer:  Shakespeare put the subtext in.  I'm just expanding on it.

Notes:  For contrelamontre's air challenge.  Done in 1 hour 5 minutes.

I know that Hotspur's age is incorrect, but I'm following what Shakespeare did in the play.

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The Lies They Told Him

            Hal sometimes thinks that he would rather be a common man than a king or a crown prince.  He is capable of ruling, more than capable, but he thinks that if he were a common man, maybe he wouldn't have lost the person dearest to his heart.

            [At the first council meeting you attend, you see him, golden and handsome and lithe and muscular and so beautiful, and you wonder who he is.  When you hear his name (Henry Percy - _Hotspur_), you think that he fits the descriptions you have heard of him perfectly.

            When your father leaves, you stay behind a bit.  You walk up to him, and he looks at you with cool, appraising eyes when you tell him who you are.  At that moment, you wish that you have a better reputation more than anything else even though you have a reason for being so "irresponsible".  However, you don't quail under his gaze, and you think he gains a little respect for you because of that.]

            Hal knows that he doesn't love Kate.  He gives her sweet words and sweet caresses and sweet presents, but he can never love her.  Her name, for one, reminds him too much of the person who came between him and Hotspur, and Kate can never be Hotspur.  She is too soft, too gentle, too feminine, too quiet, too everything that Hotspur never was.

            [You have always admired him, and you ask him to teach you how to fight.  He stares at you for one long moment, but he agrees in the end.  You are the crown prince, and you could have just ordered him to teach you, but you don't.  You want him to do it willingly.

            You have him teach you at his father's castle sometimes.  You duel with him upon the grounds, your swords clashing and feinting and blocking and thrusting, and when the sunlight shines upon him, he is surrounded by a golden aura.  You aren't sure, but you think you fall in love with him then.]

            His father told him that he would fall in love with a pretty princess from another country, and Hal thinks that his father was wrong.  Kate fits the description, but Hal thinks he would rather die than fall in love with her.

            [You remember reading tales of love.  In the stories, the hero always woos the heroine with ballads and gifts and feats of bravery and daring, and the heroine always pretends shyness, though she secretly loves the hero as well.  The hero will finally rescue the heroine or do some great and wondrous feat for her, and when they finally come together, it's soft and sweet and gentle.

            When you first kiss Hotspur, it's nothing like that.  One day, after he has struck you down yet again, you take the hand he proffers you, but when he draws you up, instead of letting go, you place your own hand upon his right cheek and then kiss him.  He kisses you back, and it's rough and harsh and bitter but it's perfect and so so _hot_.]

            Hal has been in love once and only once before, and he knows that the stories never tell the truth.  Love is not so perfect and golden and sweet and soft.  It's hard and brutal and tragic, and it hurts more than anyone can ever imagine.

            Hal knows that he used to be idealistic, and he thinks that if he hadn't been so idealistic, maybe it wouldn't have been so hard.  Maybe the reality of love wouldn't have surprised him so much, and thus, maybe losing Hotspur wouldn't have hurt him so much.

            [Then, you get into the fight that kicks you out of the council, and at around the same time, Hotspur marries Elizabeth - _Kate_.  You hate her more than you yourself even thought you could or would, and when you fight with Hotspur, you can always see her looking out of a window, looking at _your_ Henry possessively.

            You don't stop fucking Hotspur.  You are the crown prince, and what you want matters more than what a mere _woman_ wants.  You let him fuck you still, let him bite you and stretch you and hurt you and make you bleed, and you think that love shouldn't be like this, but it is.]

            Hal knows Kate watches him with worried or inquisitive eyes sometimes, especially if he doesn't want to lie with her.  He often has to restrain himself from choking when he kisses her or slides within her because it's not Hotspur and it's not supposed to be like this, him sleeping with his queen to conceive an heir.  But it is.

            [Kate somehow stumbles upon the two of you, naked and sweating and tangled together, and she pushes Hotspur off of you and tells you that she doesn't want you to see him again or she'll tell everyone what she saw, not caring that you could have her beheaded.  You look at Hotspur, but he shakes his head.  You know it will hurt, but you dress hurriedly and leave.

            He has already dressed, and as you open the door, he lays a hand on your arm.  You stop and turn to him, and he kisses the back of your hand and whispers to you that he loves you, but before you can say something back to him, Kate pushes you out of the room and slams the door shut, and you're left standing alone in the empty corridor, staring at the insurmountable barrier separating you and Henry Percy.

            You won't see him again until you fight against him for your father.]

            He thinks it shouldn't hurt as badly now, especially because Hotspur has been dead for years and he has a queen, but it's not like that.  Hal still hurts when he thinks about Hotspur, and it hurts the most when he sees some young, golden, lithe boy that is almost but not quite the image of Hotspur, some boy who brings back all the memories Hal has vainly tried to repress.

            [When you see him again, he acts like he doesn't know you, and you behave the same way.  You challenged him to a duel to see him again, but you had forgotten that one of you must die.

            He attacks you first, and you defend yourself the very way he taught you how to, using his own maneuvers against him.  When you see him open, you stab him, hoping to only injure him and thus end the fight, and when you see him fall, blood pouring out of the wound, you are shocked because you are sure your sword didn't pierce him very deeply.

            Hotspur dies in front of you, and you kneel at his side and tell him that you have always admired him, hoping that he can somehow hear you and maybe even infer what you are trying to say, that you love him.  You wonder if he let you kill him because he's so much better than you will ever be, and you wonder if he became so tired of life and what it did to him that he _wanted_ to die.

            That night, you cry in your tent at what you did, and your heart hurts so much that you almost want to die yourself.  The tales never told of this kind of love, and you think that the tales are all wrong.  You wonder if you will ever stop hurting.]

            Hal doesn't think he will ever stop hurting.


End file.
